I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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