I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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