dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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