I think I won the penis lottery.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
