He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
