I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
