I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
