i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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