We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
