How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
