before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
