I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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