She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
