Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
