There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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