i need an iv and a liver transplant
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
