she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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