SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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