Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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