Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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