Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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