Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My balls are so social today.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
