Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
