as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She told me I should be a condom model.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I believe in your delicious
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
