just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
