Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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