Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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