I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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