I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
