Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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