id be glad to
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
