i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
