Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
