Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
