me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
