i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
