he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
