I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
did i walk over a car last night?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
