We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
