So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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