my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
