girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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