And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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