That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
