Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
