is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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