I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize