what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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