I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
