i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
