Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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