it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize