I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
