Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
