My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
420 ftw
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Randomize
