I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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