we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
