he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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