It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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