Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
