you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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