R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
