it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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