Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
