He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
