I am in a vortex of obligation.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
