You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
