So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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