you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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