yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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