How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
