Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
