Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
