No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
