She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
