We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
