Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize