you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize