Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
