it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
send nudes
from the living room?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
