i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
