so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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