i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
