real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
