Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize