I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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