Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
