just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
