Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
