no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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