I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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