Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
