id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
