My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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