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You're a womanizer and a bitch.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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