dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Terrible idea I love it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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