You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
