Betty ford says i'm here all night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
