i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
