Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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