You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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