Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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