Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Randomize
