I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
