A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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