I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
