you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
