yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The feeling are messing with the penis
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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