You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
