walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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